As our kids have grown up, our parenting role has changed as well. No more do we mandate what is going to happen, we *suggest*. We share ideas, but don't necessarily advocate for a singular solution, wanting our kids to weigh out the pros and cons and make their own decision. We are cheerleaders from the sidelines, yelling encouragement even when the play flops altogether. We never say, "I told you so," but rather let the consequences speak for themselves. They are the best teachers anyway.
And besides, I can usually count on a sibling to do the dirty work. Consider the following conversations:
Exhibit A: Gigi and Girlfriend, discussing her new kitty, Mouse the Cat
Girlfriend: I know you always had our cats declawed when we were growing up, and I understand why, but I'm not sure I want to have Mouse declawed.
Gigi: Tell me what you're thinking...
Girlfriend: Well, it just seems to me that I'd be taking something away from Mouse that is an invasion of his natural state merely for my own convenience. That thought bothers me. I mean, right now, he's kneading my arm with his paws, just like he would his mother.
Gigi: You do realize that he would knead your arm whether he had claws or not?
Girlfriend: I know. He's just so timid, and I'd hate to freak him out further by taking him to the vet and letting them hurt him.
Gigi: Girlfriend, he is YOUR cat. The decision belongs solely to you, and there is no right or wrong answer - just the one that you are comfortable with.
Exhibit B: Same conversation between Elasti-girl and Girlfriend
Girlfriend: I'm just not sure if I want to go through with declawing Mouse or not. It feels like I'm taking something away from him that is his and I'm not sure I feel comfortable with that.
Elasti-girl: You let them neuter him. That seems a whole lot more personal to me than claws.
Girlfriend: That's different...all pets are neutered. It's how we control the pet population.
Elasti-girl: What about your furniture? You just spent a lot of money on that new sofa. Are you ready to let Mouse rip it to shreds?!?
Girlfriend: That's why I bought him a scratching post and toys to play with. I'm hoping to train him to NOT scratch the sofa.
Elasti-girl: Are you crazy??? Get the cat declawed!!! It is NOT WORTH IT to sacrifice your furniture for his feelings. He'll get over it!!!
----------------------
Our roles are changing already. I'm backing off, acting more as a consultant than a manager. And before you know it, I'll be the child and they'll be the parents. They'll be making sure I have my sweater and have taken my pills and will drive me to the doctor. At least when I can't remember my own name anymore, I'll know they have each other to keep them in line. What goes around comes around. It's a beautiful thing.
Lol--great post. ;)
Tamara
Posted by: Watermarked1.wordpress.com | January 18, 2010 at 11:47 PM