Empty Nest Full Heart

Tiny Bird

My friend Jaycee has a gift.  Several, actually.  For starters, she sings, plays the guitar, and writes music.  And she is fastly approaching an empty nest.  Jaycee is navigating the changes in her life (which when you have two children a year apart come quickly) with aplomb, as evidenced by the words to a recent song she has written.

I'm sure you'll be captured by the beautiful words, just as I was.

Tiny Bird     Words and Music by Janeen Covell

 Tiny bird in my hand wants so much to fly

To spread its wings, to catch the wind, to soar across the sky

I am afraid to let it go lest it won’t return

How can I let go

 

In my heart the Father speaks “Give the bird to Me.

In My hands that bird can fly, truly soaring free.

Don’t you know I won’t let it go.  I love that tiny bird.

You’ve got to let it go.”

                 (Bridge)

                In the Father’s hands the bird can soar

                And there find safety and warmth

                He does not hold on too tightly

                The bird will soar in the Father’s hands

I give my tiny bird a kiss and then I let it fly

It spreads its wings up toward the Son and soars across the sky

The Father smiles assuring me the bird is in His hands

He’ll never let it go

He’ll never let that bird go

And She is 80!

Happy birthday Mom!  In honor of this auspicious occasion, I thought we'd take a look back...to 1930...and see what was going on the year you were born.

• The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed...from Indianapolis to New York.
• The Mickey Mouse comic strip made its first appearance.
• 3M marketed Scotch Tape.
• Constantinople and Angora changed their names to Istanbul and Ankara.
• Will Rogers started broadcasting The Will Rogers Program on radio.
• The first night game in organized baseball history took place in Independence, Kansas.
• The planet Pluto was discovered and named.
• Betty Boop premiered in the animated film "Dizzy Dishes".
• A patent was awarded to Albert Einstein and Leo Szilard for their invention, the Einstein Refrigerator.
• President Herbert Hoover went before Congress to request $150 million for a public works program to help generate jobs and stimulate the economy.

And,most importantly, 

• YOU WERE BORN!

Hope you have a fantastic day!

 

JackJack is 4 Today!

It's in my memory like it was yesterday.  Getting a frantic phone call from Elasti-girl four years ago today...a baby had been born to a girl in their town and her father wanted to know if they would be willing to take him.  She had somehow hidden her pregnancy for the entire nine months and her dad was stunned beyond belief.  Elasti-girl and Mr. Incredible were no less stunned at this astonishing turn of events.  They were already in process to bring Dash home from Guatemala, and here, right in the middle of all the red tape, JackJack landed right in their laps.  Two days after that amazing phone call, JackJack was delivered from the hospital into their open arms.  Unbelievable.

The past four years have been quite a ride for the Incredibles - two adoptions, two babies, two toddlers - winding up a nine year ministry and beginning an incredible journey for an incredible family that has taken them to  England.  

And JackJack has been an important part of our lives.  He is smart (really too smart for his own good).  He is a little negotiator, knowing what he wants and not afraid to try to figure out how to get it.  He is already showing signs of athleticism and can play just about any sport that involves a ball.  He loves to cuddle and I really miss hugging him.  And how I wish I could have shared this fun day at an English museum with him:

But alas, since we can't be together today, Gigi sends you, JackJack a very special "Happy Birthday!", and the reminder that I love you very, very much. 

Shopping Stories

The phone wires were on fire all around the world as Peanut's proud parents were calling their long list of family and friends with the amazing news that we are all one step closer to meeting this new little person.  No longer is Peanut an "it", but now a "she".  Fred and Wilma are on the east coast volunteering for a missions organization and Pebbles' youngest brother is on the west coast.  Elasti-girl and family are in England and we all got the call, both here and there, near and far.

Take a close look at the ultrasound below.  If you tilt your screen just right, you can see Peanut's mom and dad looking very intently at the image on the screen.  It's like a picture within a picture.  It's their first family picture.  Way cool.

Girlfriend wasted no time getting to Target and called me, explaining through her tears of joy that she was going to need an intervention or else she risked buying out the place.  Girlfriend loves to shop for the people she loves.  Shopping is her love language.

I haven't had a chance to shop for Peanut yet, but last week about this time, while sitting in the hospital watching Flyboy sleep, I decided that a little shopping might just be therapeutic, and I started perusing the clearance specials at the Fashion Bug.  I discovered that you don't have to pay shipping if you order online and have the goods sent to your local store.  I liked that.  I also liked the fact that I got a white blouse, a plaid vest, a green henley, AND a two toned zip-up hooded warm-up jacket, all for $22.  Yes, it was quite the deal, thank you very much.  So I ordered online and they said it would take about a week to arrive. I got an email notification yesterday and headed over to my local Fashion Bug last night after I got my hair cut.  I think the sales lady thought I was a little off when I mentioned that I had completely forgotten what I'd ordered.  Knowing she was not remotely interested in last week's trauma in the hospital, I decided to let it go and let her think whatever she wanted.  But it turned out pretty sweet in the end because it was like opening a package at Christmas that you're guaranteed to like because you picked it out yourself.  I was quite happy with what I bought, and even happier that while I must have been a bit out of my head not to even remember what I bought I made some good choices anyway.

Peanut is next on my list and I'm looking forward to shopping for her.  

PEANUT IS A GIRL!!!!!

 

Anticipation...

There are certain people in this world that just hate to wait.  Elasti-girl is one of them.  When she was a little girl, she practically started counting the days until her birthday as soon as Christmas was over.  Her birthday was the first one in our family after the New Year, and she immediately began planning her party, or what she presents she would want, or if she wanted a yellow cake with chocolate frosting or a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.  Her birthday is in April.

And I do believe it was also Elasti-girl who walked in on me wrapping presents one Christmas.  I sat her on the bed, had her look me straight in the eyes and promise she would not tell Girlfriend what her gift was.  She almost made it.  As we were passing out the gifts on Christmas morning, and as Girlfriend began to open said gift, Elasti-girl, unable to contain herself any longer, blurted out, "IT'S A MY LITTLE PONY!"

Some people just can't wait.

Take Pebbles, who has been dying to know the gender of Peanut (their baby due in July) since the day she found out she was pregnant.  Were she not so frugal, she would have paid the $30 for the gender identification kit from Walgreens as soon as it was possible to know, even though it is only about 80% accurate.  Her mother Wilma is equally anxious to find out, and is dying to hit the baby stores once she knows if she's buying for a girl or a boy.  Wilma had a dream that it's a girl.  We'll see if she's ready to hit the psychic circuit very soon.

As in TODAY!  Today is the day we've all been waiting for!  Today is the big ultrasound!  Today the phone lines will be burning as Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm make a gazillion calls to friends and family.

While Peanut's gender is about to become public knowledge, his/her name will remain a mystery.  Bamm-Bamm is committed to keeping this secret until Peanut is welcomed into the family.  Pebbles, on the other hand is dying.  They have finally agreed on a girl's name and she wants to tell in the worst way.  Will she be able to keep quiet or will she crack?  

Stay tuned...

Discombobulated

 

We've been home from the hospital since Friday night, and I have to admit to having spent the past two days feeling somewhat discombobulated.  I walk into rooms and don't remember why, I spend way too long trying to figure out what I'm doing, and I lose things.  Like my work keys.  They're on a red stretchy thing (kind of like a telephone cord) that fits on your wrist, and there are 6-8 keys on a ring identified by colored tabs.  If you've seen them, would you let me know?  My goose could be cooked without them.

Anyway, what was I saying?

I think it's perfectly normal after spending  6 1/2 days at the hospital, where the world is somehow shrunk down to a single room, to feel a little misplaced.  Maybe I've had the bends these past couple of days and being home has been like undergoing hyperbaric oxygen therapy.  We've had several slow days and I'm almost feeling like myself again, which is a good thing considering facing the world is the first thing on the agenda today.

I was thinking about this last night and realizing there are many times in life when we feel a bit discombobulated - not the least of which is when the nest empties out.  Our world is upside down, our focus changed, our attention no longer required.  One of the best gifts we can give ourselves when we're hurting is time.  Time to spend with God, pouring out our hearts to Him and being wrapped in His loving arms.  Time to pamper ourselves (Lulu and I had our first mani-pedi of the season yesterday, and it was sublime).  Time to explore the interests that were laid aside during the child-rearing years.

And time to be patient with ourselves.  It took 32 years from the time our first child was born until the last one left home.  We can't expect to "get over it" just like that.  Grief is a little different in every person and some people feel it more deeply and/or for longer than others.  Girlfriend called her dad on the phone the other day when he was feeling ready to go home before his doctors would let him go.  She sang him a song from her childhood:  "Have patience, have patience, don't be in such a hurry...when you get impatient, you only start to worry.  Remember, remember, that God is patient too, and think of all the times that others have to wait on you."  He had to smile, and remember that sometimes we just have to submit to the process, lean into our troubles, and be patient for the outcome.  It's as true for us empty nest moms as it was for him.

Have a great week,

Gigi

White Chili

Since we're in a bit of a holding pattern around here waiting for test results following Flyboy's marathon hospitalization, and since he's not feeling any worse or any better (meaning there's no real news to report), I'd say it's time to head to the kitchen.  It's my favorite place to be creative, forget the cares of the world, and whip up a little comfort food.  And, since at my house the chili season doesn't last forever (we move out to the grill as soon as it's warm enough), here's my mother's recipe for White Chili.  It can cook all day while I'm at work.  And like I've mentioned before, to make it even easier to get out the door, I mix everything together the night before, and plug it in before I leave.

Dining alone?   This recipe is not meant for a crowd - it's about six servings.  Invite a friend over for dinner and freeze the rest in individual portions (use quart size ziploc freezer bags if you're short on freezer space) for future meals.

Let's cook!

Brown 1 medium onion (chopped), 1 garlic clove (minced), and two chicken breasts (cubed) in I T olive oil. When golden brown, dump into the crock pot along with 1 can cannellini (white kidney) beans (rinsed and drained), 1 can garbanzo beans (drained), 1 can white corn, two 4 oz. cans chopped green chilies, 1 C water and 2 chicken bouillon cubes.  Cook on low all day.  Top each serving with shredded monterey jack cheese, fresh chopped cilantro, and a dollop of sour cream.  Serve with white tortilla chips.

Photo courtesy of myrecipes.com 

There's No Place Like Home

Late yesterday afternoon, we went home.  After 6 1/2 days in the hospital, I observed that arriving home induced some of the same "out of body" feelings I had after returning from a missions trip to Mexico.  It felt like we'd been on another planet, and while home was...well, home...it also felt strangely awkward, like we'd lived at the mission forever and real life was just a dream.  The same dynamic was in action in us last night.  It feels like we were gone forever.

Yesterday started with processing the frustration we'd felt the day before, thinking we were headed one way only to find the road sign pointing in a new direction.  Dr. C (the cardiologist) decided that since Flyboy had been fever-free for the entire day he might as well be discharged to wait for the rest of the test results rather than jump into a somewhat risky pericardectomy.  It felt like the past six days had been for nothing.  No answers had been arrived at and we felt somewhat abandoned.  We talked it through, reminding ourselves of God's sovereignty, even in this.

And then, one by one, the doctors started filing in, each giving their take on the situation.  First came Dr. GI (a very fine looking man, I might add...think Rick Fox), Flyboy's gastroenteroligist who was looking after his liver in all of this.  He encouraged us to be patient as blood tests take time, and then he ordered a couple more, for good measure.  Flyboy will see him in two weeks to follow up.

Next came the cardiologist's nurse, and then Dr. I (the internist).  Each one reviewed the risk of going ahead with the biopsy and the wisdom of waiting until the test results are all in.  They all agree that Flyboy is a bit of an enigma.  And that he has pericarditis and a bad cough and palpitations and elevated liver enzymes and nobody really knows why.  But they are not abandoning us and are not giving up the search for answers.  They are treating his symptoms and still looking for the cause.

Being a patient patient is not always easy.  We are programmed to want answers yesterday, and sometimes we have no choice but just to wait.  We are praying that God uses this whole experience to further His kingdom and bring glory to Himself.  We had an interesting conversation with Dr. I today who told us this suffering was Flyboy's opportunity to make atonement for sins committed in a past life and that once all the bad karma is absolved the promise of Nirvana awaits.  Flyboy casually remarked that in Christianity, we believe that Jesus paid the price for our sin.  We had several conversations with people interested in the fact that Flyboy is a pastor.  Several young nurses' aides and one phlebotomist found it almost inconceivable that we have been married almost 35 years.  And Flyboy's positive attitude, never complaining and always saying thank you did not go unnoticed.  These divine appointments gave a very difficult week meaning and we look back at them with gratitude for the opportunity to let our light shine.

Even so, it's so good to be home.

Mixed Messages + No Closure = Frustration

Last night I went into work to take care of a few things and my boss Miz B told me to tell Flyboy that if he had wanted a week with Gigi he could have just asked.  As far as hospital standards go, this has been a Cadillac experience, but it's still not the Holiday Inn and being poked over 90 times and enduring over 15 x-rays/CTs/ultrasounds has been no vacation.  And besides that, we could have spent a week on a cruise ship for far less money and had a lot more fun.

When I got back to the hospital, Dr. C (the cardiologist) was there.  He was explaining to Flyboy that since he had been fever-free for the day, they could assume he was starting to get better.  Even though we had been told all day that the likelihood was high that Flyboy would be transferred to the Heart Hospital for a biopsy, all of a sudden, Dr. C was saying something entirely different: since you're getting better, let's hold off on the biopsy and wait for the rest of the labs.  We'll check your markers in the morning and if they continue to hold steady, you'll most likely be able to go home to wait for some answers.  

I slept at home for the first time last night and am back at the hospital now for the next long wait to get the word on what happens now.  This has been a roller coaster of a week.  From being told there is a 50% chance his cancer has metastasized on the one end of the spectrum to being told that the palpitations (the reason he was admitted in the first place) are no big deal, one doesn't know quite what to think.  And I would have to admit that we are weary and frustrated after six days in the hospital.

I think that as Christians we give a high value to redemption.  Christ had to suffer untold agony, but at the end of it all there was the forgiveness of sin to show for it.  It was not in vain.  His suffering bought our freedom.  Don't get me wrong - there is no way I'm equating a week in the hospital with the sufferings of Jesus.  I'm just saying that at the end of it, it would be nice to be able to see the purpose behind it all...to see some redeeming value in the experience.  

And then there's the fact that Flyboy's cough is still racking and his heart is still palpitating, neither of which seemed to bother Dr. C much last night.  It bothers Flyboy.  And it bothers me.  And we really hoped to be at the bottom of it by now.

Answers.  That's what we've been praying for.  Answers.  That's what we don't have.  And even this reality points to God's sovereignty.  Whether or not we get answers is not up to us.  Whether or not God allows us to get to the bottom of this is completely up to Him.

And besides, as our dear friend OC (Old Curmudgeon - you know who you are) reminds us this morning (he's here visiting), there are many, many people praying for Flyboy right now and God may choose to heal him.  That would be just fine with us.  

Miz B is known for several "mantras" she likes to repeat at different times.  For example, "total paranoia is total awareness."  Or, how about this one - "Thirty billion Chinese people don't really care."  And the one that applies to this situation: "We're not driving this bus."  She is so very right.

And so, we cling to that which we know is true.  None of this is taking God by surprise.  God may choose for us to find the answers we desire, or He may not.  What happens from here is in His hands.  He is trustworthy and true and deserving of our devotion.  Whether or not He chooses to heal Flyboy or not is His business.  Cling we shall.